Live by the Orgasm! Die by the Orgasm!!

Once upon a time, I dated a girl who claimed she'd never experienced an orgasm before(this was not from lack of trying either). However, being the cool persona that I am, I took it all in my stride. Whilst I readily admit I was no maestro of the bedroom, I had a fair idea of my strengths(and weaknesses) and still confident that I would succeed where others before me had fallen short.

Before we got to the point of physical intimacy, she confessed that with her previous lover, the 'Big O' had become such an issue, that during sex she felt under intense pressure, and could never really relax. So with that in mind, I never broached the subject to her again. Of course I couldn't let the issue go so easily, but as usual, I was 'ice cold'.

As time passed and our relationship progressed, we'd often talk about our sexual likes and dislikes(after all, communication is the key). In the beginning, things were absolutely marvelous. I was a man on a mission. Foreplay was my middle name! We enjoyed several romps in all sorts of crazy locations. However, though I came close on a few occasions, I was never able to get to the finish line. After a while this started to bug me. As hard as I tried to ignore it, the elusive 'Big O' was starting to become a big issue to me. Of course I never told her! To tell her would be to admit defeat. I didn't want to be like the 'others'. Every man likes to feel he's special! That didn't change the fact that I was beginning to feel frustrated.

To a man, sex without an orgasm is about as worthwhile as a plane with no wings. If you can't fly, then what's the point?!?!?! Orgasms define a man' manhood not just by his ability to 'sow his seed', but also by his ability to please his female partner. He feels that by keeping his female partner satisfied, she is more likely to remain loyal. Loyalty is something that ALL men crave(whether they are willing to admit it or not)! Though many women have forever proclaimed that sex can be just as enjoyable and fulfilling without an orgasm, for most men, this is very difficult(if not damn impossible) to compute.

In my case, though she always told me that our sex-life was great and she had never felt so comfortable with her sexuality, it just wasn't enough. I could not let it rest. "It must be ignorance.". I reasoned(it's funny how hindsight reveals such great irony). "She only says it's fulfilling because she is yet to experience what the 'Big O' has to offer.". As my frustration grew, my ego started to implode. "How could she possibly appreciate my Herculean effort to please her?". Without the 'Big O', I felt like all my endeavors were in vain. I eventually cracked! I gave up the hunt. Foreplay slowly went out the window. Romp sessions got progressively shorter and more routine. Around that point, other chinks in our relationship were suddenly revealing themselves. In hindsight, I often wonder which precipitated the other, but I'll probably have greater success solving the 'chicken&egg debate' than figuring this out anytime soon.

So in the process of learning that I'm not as special as I thought I was (nothing like a piece of humble pie to brighten up your day), I did snippets of research into the science of the 'Big O'. What did I find out?? The female orgasm is as complex and mysterious to scientists as most women generally are to men (Hey presto! Didn't need a multi-million dollar grant to figure that out). More recently, Prof. Gert Holstege did some research in Copenhagen involving brains scans of men and women during an orgasm. The results seem to indicate that whilst the male orgasm is strongly linked to his level of physical stimulation, the female orgasm shows stronger links to her state of mind (like that's supposed to make me feel better. Once again scientists prove what we already know).

Anyways, this unusually long rant was triggered by a recent conversation with a date, who commented that as much as she enjoyed sex, she'd only ever experienced an orgasm on 3 separate occasions (I sure do pick them!). However, despite all the alarm bells and residual flashbacks, in the unlikely case that we ever progress as far as the bedroom, at least there's something to build on. And to be fair, that date was probably no worse than another date who boasted that her ex-BF made her cum 14 times in one session! Seems like a case of 'pick your poison'.....................